Thursday, April 24, 2003

While trying to enter the U.S. as an illegal alien, Alliance Fleet commander Admiral Ackbar was arrested by a SWAT team this morning, charged with membership of an Islamic terrorist group. FBI Special Agent B. Fett commented that "we've had our eye on this one for some time now." Agent Fett denied that Ackbar had been subject to "species profiling". "Whether they are humanoid, lizardlike, or, as in the case of Mr Ackbar, amphibious, everyone is subject to the same kind of scrutiny."

The FBI suspect the Mon Calamari military officer because of his surname. "You are probably familiar with the phrase, 'Allah Akhbar', or, in English, 'Allah is great'." Agent Fett told interviewers during a press conference. "It is our strong suspicion that Mr Ackbar is an Al-Qaeda operative who is aiding these cowardly criminals with his advanced intergalactic technology."

Ackbar, meanwhile, is speaking only through his lawyer, a Mr Max Rebo. "These allegations are very extreme and completely unfounded", Mr Rebo told the press. "I have yet to be presented with one convincing piece of evidence. As for my client, he has asked me to let everybody know that he is being framed in a conspiracy that reaches into the highest circles. Or, as he put it, 'It's a trap!'"


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