Thursday, April 29, 2004

The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good public relations for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction.

I will not, under any circumstances, marry a woman I know to be a faithless, conniving, back-stabbing witch simply because I am absolutely desperate to perpetuate my family line. Of course, we can still date.

I loved these, over two hundred more to be found at the evil overlord list ;-)


Post a Comment

<< Home