Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Modern day stresses

Isn’t it funny how one wishes to live life one way, yet continues to cling to duties (often imaginary) that belong to a different sort of life. One makes the expectation upon oneself to be able to do both, and well at that.

So what is she on about now ;-) ?

I sometimes envy what I perceive as the simple life, one life, simple goals that don’t need mention, one village…. You get the drift. Yet I am perfectly aware of never ever being able to be happy under those circumstances, hey I even tried it for a few years, and there is no way, at least not yet, that I could live life that way. My best moments are those of diversion, travel, beginning something new, meeting new people, something not ensconed in the aforementioned imaginary simple why the ponderings….
Well at the same time I feel a constant pang of guilt, mostly for not keeping in touch with all the people I feel I should be keeping in touch with, the people that I feel mum and gran would expect me to keep in touch with. I barely manage my own friends and acquaintances, yet I feel I should be communicating to great uncles and aunts, aunts and uncles once removed and so forth…. No matter that they have very seldom contacted me, it’s just that m&g always managed, that was the socially accepted norm for them, so I feel I should as well... not to mention the whole being 33 and not owning a home, not having finished my education, ... you catch the drift.. So I am weighing myself down with what I percieve are other peoples expectations of me, which most probably have nothing in common with their actual expectations...

I presume some of these ponderings are being brought on by my imminent move to a different continent, feelings of guilt over going even further from responsibilities back home, sadness at leaving a place that has been such a good home for the past two years as well as well as apprehension pertaining to what stresses await us in Japan. So I’m being an introspective silly git ;-) The bairns are happy, Elena woke up this morning singing a sixties tune, we’re all looking forward to our ventures in the next two years, nervousness is to be expected but on the whole, excitement and positiveness far outweighs any apprehensions!

I could be doing a hellofalot worse, I'm sure .... Do you guys get these guilt trips over percieved expectations, as well?


At 9:47 pm, Blogger Syneta said...

Every day my friend, every day I feel I should be contacting people I want to stay in touch with but I never write and I never call ... every day I feel I should find "my path" since everyone else seems to have found theirs but then I come to my senses and realize the "the path" is a myth! I'm sure most of us are winging it, even those that seem to have everything undre control:)

At 12:55 am, Blogger Soffia Fransiska said...

Skil þig vel, er sjálf mikið búin að vera pæla í t.d. þessu með að eiga húsnæði. Sé mest eftir að hafa ekki keypt áður en ég fór út, ætlaði alltaf að gera það og leigja út... hrmhrm, sennilega hefði ég þurft aðeins meira en bara rétt komast á núllið á þessum þremur árum á Blönduósi.
Annars er ég viss um að þið eigið öll eftir að blómstra í Japan, ekki síst þú :-)

At 2:29 am, Blogger Lola said...

All of the time! All of the time!

At 10:44 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think we all have those thoughts one time or another, I know I do. You have to do what works for you and your family. There are many different ways of doing things in life and as long as they work for you then it is the right decision. Yes, children do like structure but they also adjust very quickly to new environment and thrive very well.It also depends on their personality, some love it and other don't.
Huld og co

At 1:09 am, Blogger Rose said...

I have the same struggle. I will always have regrets about the times I could have done more. But most of us probably don't stop to think about all that we have done, or all the people we do keep in touch with. We are just completing a really enjoyable project. For my Mom's birthday this year, two years after her death, I have asked all of my family to send me a memory of her, which I have put into two formats (web page & booklet) with pictures. That way we have all searched our own memories and come up with forgotten things, and then we get to share everyone else's memories too. I think we'll do this in the future with other older relatives...who are still living!

At 6:16 pm, Blogger Ágústa said...

Yep, hef sko pottþétt verið í svona pælingum oft og mörgum sinnum. Núna er ég í "eigin húsnæði" og loksins að "verða eitthvað" :) hahaha og get ekki sagt að ég sé eitthvað betur sett heldur en ég var áður! Þegar maður er kominn á þennan "örugga" stað þá koma bara nýjar pælingar. Mest langar mig að selja allt draslið og skella mér í meira nám erlendis...hehe

Bestu kveðjur dúllan mín, þú átt eftir að brillera í Japan, efast sko ekki um það.

Kv. Ágústa frænk


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